My Name, Your Name, Who’s Name?

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In the modern world we live in getting married or taking other people’s names is becoming more complex and different.

Traditionally it would have been the wife who takes the husband’s surname as they join into his family. But as time has moved forward there are more cases now days where either; No name change is taken, the wife’s name is taken, a double barrel name appears, a hybrid of both names comes out or the even newer approach happens – a whole new name is produced.

The reason this post came about is that a few of us got chatting about it at work. Who would take whose name. It’s also a conversation me and the GF have quite a lot. So I just wanted to know what everyone thought about this subject – I took it to twitter and got some very interesting points back.


Overall everyone said as long as the marriage works than it doesn’t matter what the surname is. Which lead into the topic of regardless of surname it’s the children involved that matter most.

Which made me think about the flip side of this topic. When families break down and it becomes a mixing pot of surnames all under one banner – as long as everyone involved is happy and wanting to be there it shouldn’t matter what you are called.

But more about taking which name, I think in this modern age that the traditional sense of taking the Husbands name because he was the patriarch and the head of the family is long gone. What with equal rights and even the legalisation of homosexual marriages coming into an effect the rules of the game has changed.

I know people who got married but still have their original family names because they are both lawyers and I understand that. They have made a name for themselves as this person and to take another name could lose worth in their career as their identity has changed.

Sadly though I have seen equality turn people into stubborn unreasonable people, I know a person who flat-out hands down will not consider or entertain the fact of changing their name. Which as much as I believe if you don’t want to that is ok, I think you have to be open enough to have a conversation about it, rather than stubbornly not respecting the partner enough to even have a conversation.

I took my husband’s name. I don’t know, personally my own surname wasn’t that important to me. It’s a name lol. I wanted to have to same name as my husband, it feels like a symbol of unity I guess. – @SimplyySplendid (Twitter)

Personally I wouldn’t want to take my GF’s surname. Not because I am not open to the option. But because I think mine is better. Which sounds arrogant I know. But this is also why I like the idea of merging names or even creating a whole new name all together. To make something more personal and fair – but on the flip side of that I also think I should keep my name as I am the last and only Male in my family and if I want that name to continue I need to be the one to carry it on.

Personally I’d take my future husbands surname bc I’m a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to it, but I don’t think it really matters. – @AllLadyA (Twitter)

It was pointed out to me that something else to be taken into consideration is all the paperwork you will have to change and update – Passport, Driving Licence, Bills, Work Profile. It’s a costly and time-consuming task regardless of which name you end up with and that I can see as a reason not to change the name.

It wouldn’t be impossible to get a hyphenated name now, but it’s a bit of a chore changing it with everything. And also now I’ve since had a child, I wouldn’t like not having the same name as him… – @Jakijellz (Twitter)

Overall there is not a right or wrong answer to this situation we will ultimately put ourselves into and from the feedback and responses I have received about this topic the answers are different but overall the main thing that shines through is people’s love for their family and children – it doesn’t matter who has what name, it’s the idea of the happy family that wins.

I also want to thank everyone for the feedback and responses I received while writing this.

Once again you guys are awesome and as for me – I think it’s something me and GF will have to discuss nearer the time . . . which isn’t anytime soon (just so we are all clear)




9 thoughts on “My Name, Your Name, Who’s Name?

  1. I’m not a massive fan of double barrelling but it’s nice if all the family have the same name. Whatever people choose I’m betting genealogy is going to be very difficult in the future.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I without a doubt would take my husband’s surname IF I ever get married one day 😜 I don’t see the problem with doing that 😊 I think some females might feel they giving up their identity by doing that, but to me it isn’t. It is a sign of respect. Interesting post!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. When my husband and I got married, it was more on a whim and we didn’t have that whole traditional wedding weekend everyone seems to have. So, nontraditionally as well, I kept my own name. I come from a really traditional, all-Catholic family who about died when I didn’t have a church wedding or kept up with all of the “expectations.” It’s not really that important to me though, which is why I just kept my name. Maybe someday when we have kids I’ll change it, mainly because I want our whole family to have the same name, but until then I enjoy mine! Great post! Really got me thinking!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. In Hungary you can choose from 5 options if I know well. When you register for a wedding, the lady at the registry office asks you how you want to use your name after the wedding (shows you all the options) and records how you want to name your kids (what family name they will get). Before our wedding, I chose a traditional way of using my name as a wife but when I got pregnant, my husband wanted a non-traditional way for our daughter. She got my husband’s family name in the end because changing what had been recorded would have cost a lot of money and I didn’t have the energy to go and have it changed. While the variety they offer is a great thing, it’s all very complicated.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh wow thats interesting. I know a few Hungarians who said the naming system was different but I never released there was so many options


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