I’m not sure where this post is going or what its even called.
(I assume the title above is fitting. But as I write this I have nothing planned)
Over the past day or so ive realised something about my self and my personality. Which is always dangerous to self criticise and evaluate yourself but I went there – and what I found made sense. It made me think about every past exploit and choice I’ve made.
My findings – I have no drive.
Wait what does that even mean. Now you are wondering. Where does he park his car? Or not. Sorry for the dad joke.
I mean Drive / Dedication / Motivation. So many times I have had an idea. Something new to look into. Usually job related. I do research and plans and then never go anywhere with it because I never follow it through.
The biggest one in my past is film making. I love it so much. I wanted to set up a production company and go freelance. All planned. Named. Cards printed. But just getting that umph to start it never appeared. Another example was setting up an etsy shop to sell Groomsmen gift boxes. Working out the costs and the realistic demand for it. But again after all that work put in – I did nothing with it.
Same again when it comes to writing scripts and even a children’s story book. I begin full of life and positivity and then let it fizzle out when it comes to commitment.
I think it boils down to a fear of the unknown. Leaving my stable reliable old job to take that plunge and go it alone. Risk that stability and just go for it. Scary right.
My latest idea in the planning stages (which will remain a secret for the moment) is a similar thing. I don’t think it will take off or amount to anything.
I’m lost. Left wondering the world unsure as to what I want to do when I grow up. Does anyone else get this? A sense of being lost and unsure.
I think of recently the only thing I have kept going is this blog and I’m still in the baby steps of this. Ideally I would love to get to a point where I can make this self-sufficient and make this my work and job.
One day hey.
Sorry for the rant / over sharing. But you know what they say. I’ll work it all out one day and it will be good.
Until then. Lets just smile and get on with it.