Lost in Life.

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I’m not sure where this post is going or what its even called.

(I assume the title above is fitting. But as I write this I have nothing planned)

Over the past day or so ive realised something about my self and my personality. Which is always dangerous to self criticise and evaluate yourself but I went there – and what I found made sense. It made me think about every past exploit and choice I’ve made.

My findings – I have no drive.

Wait what does that even mean. Now you are wondering. Where does he park his car? Or not. Sorry for the dad joke.

I mean Drive / Dedication / Motivation. So many times I have had an idea. Something new to look into. Usually job related. I do research and plans and then never go anywhere with it because I never follow it through.

The biggest one in my past is film making. I love it so much. I wanted to set up a production company and go freelance. All planned. Named. Cards printed. But just getting that umph to start it never appeared. Another example was setting up an etsy shop to sell Groomsmen gift boxes. Working out the costs and the realistic demand for it. But again after all that work put in – I did nothing with it.

Same again when it comes to writing scripts and even a children’s story book. I begin full of life and positivity and then let it fizzle out when it comes to commitment.

I think it boils down to a fear of the unknown. Leaving my stable reliable old job to take that plunge and go it alone. Risk that stability and just go for it. Scary right.

My latest idea in the planning stages (which will remain a secret for the moment) is a similar thing. I don’t think it will take off or amount to anything.

I’m lost. Left wondering the world unsure as to what I want to do when I grow up. Does anyone else get this? A sense of being lost and unsure.

I think of recently the only thing I have kept going is this blog and I’m still in the baby steps of this. Ideally I would love to get to a point where I can make this self-sufficient and make this my work and job.

One day hey.

Sorry for the rant / over sharing. But you know what they say. I’ll work it all out one day and it will be good.

Until then. Lets just smile and get on with it.

Peace ✌

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Dealing with Time.

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TimeSomething I have noticed as I have gotten older and become a “Responsible Member of Society” is that I have no time for anything and this is something I really struggle with; managing my time and finding a harmonious level where everything can work as one.

When I was younger, I would go to work, come home and do what I like – spend hours playing Playstation or going out. But now days in this adult life that luxury is long gone.

I get home now after working 7.30am – 5pm (five days a week) to a list of chores, taking the washing down and putting it away, putting a new load on, cleaning up from the night before and occasionally running the hoover round the flat before taking the bins out and then finally sitting down. But by that time I need to look at cooking some tea – so I go off and do that. Once more getting a chance to sit down eat and catch up with the GF.

The standard generic “How was your day?” and “Oh what happened with blah blah” conversations pop up and then before we know it’s getting time to think about having a shower and going to bed.

Where does the time go?

It is the same for me at the weekend, by the time the boring adult life stuff is done I am left tired and out of time to start something I want to do.

Obviously this isn’t always the case and some nights or weekends I have less “Chores” to do but still after working the 9 half hours I spend at work I am just so tired, like actually exhausted. So there are nights and times (like tonight. . . shhh don’t tell the GF) that I have a few couple of hours where I plan to cook a pizza, blog and play Playstation.

When it comes to time management for out of work activities – mainly blogging and media work, I just struggle so much to find the drive. My office job is so long that it makes coming home feel amazing but then I only have a couple of hours before I have to go to sleep or I know I will be ruined the next morning trying to wake up at the crack of dawn.

In a perfect world I would love to not have the office job. To be a self employed media mogul – if that was the case I 100% know I would schedule my time so much better. I would get up at a good time, unlike the ungodly hour I currently have to claw my way out of bed. Have a nice healthy breakfast, probably start going back to the gym for an hour or so, then home to do some writing, marketing and boosting of this lovely blog. Lunch, a few odd chores, then back to “WORK” – promoting media work, looking for clients and maybe the occasion Youtube video of a cat wearing a top hat – or something trivial. But you know what I mean – I am constricted to this lifestyle I have, trying to fit everything around the huge chunk of time I spend at the office a week.

I guess if I can get over this hump and once things pick up and start looking up maybe I can get to that goal one day – I don’t see it coming for some time as you know bills have to be paid. But like Journey said – Don’t Stop Believing.

WOW was that a little bit cheesy, oops. Sorry!

If anyone has any tips or tricks on how to help me with my time management I would love to hear from you, to try a new routine and work on something, anything, to improve and spread my capabilities across all platforms.

This is part the reason why I LOVE the idea of being a stay at home dad – I know that sounds crazy, trading a 9 1/2 hour day at work for a lifetime commitment of a child. But I think I would be able to handle that a lot better than I do currently. You know – Feed Baby, Take Baby for a walk, Blog while baby naps, feed GF and Baby – Sleep Repeat.

Yes I know that is WAY to simple an outlook on stay at homes parenting, I admire and fully respect what you do and will do the same when the time comes – but I can dream.

So until that day, or until I win the lottery, this is my life. I have to make of it what I can.

Wish me luck!